alone in a sea of people

i have been pondering something for a while, this was something that FMC pointed out in one of our sessions. we were talking and going through how i interact and feel when around others.
i prefer to be alone, i feel safe alone as there is nothing / no one for me to observe and track. where as in crowds i feel under great pressure to keep track over everyone. this presure seems to bring on my anxiety and a need to run away.
According to FMC the norm is the opposite, and i have been trying to comprehend this since we talked.
to me the logic would be safety = alone & danger =crowds. but this isnt the case obviously, i wander why? i know i could put up many arguaments as to why alone is safety but i also know my arguaments for my view points on crowds could be shot down quite easily.

I would like to hear others views an experiences on this, so please if anyone does read this please let me know what you think.

:)

sects, dregs and rotten rolls

over the last few months as i have avaiod posting i have had many enlightening thought sessions provoked by things i had seen or heard in the media and conversation in general. as i have left it so long between i cannot post about my thoughts and feelings as this would be like personal chinese wispers between myself.
i hope to do better soon.

(including my homework FMC, if i can remember what it is)

alone in a sea of people 2

its now sunday and i have been avoiding writing my posts for several weeks now. it is quite ridiculous as i am a very pro active person but i find it so hard doing this or my homeworks from FMC.
alone in a sea of people 2 - on friday i went into birmingham city centre at lunch time. i havent been their alone for over a year now, and probably only once with someone else. i knew how busy it would be, but i had to see how my feelings would differ. i had already talked to FMC about my experiences in york and how when i drove back on the friday of that week i had to drive to my office in birmingham before going home. as i came off of the motorway i felt a feeling of uneasyness and anxiety as i turned towards birmingham but as i late drove away home this lifted.
so on friday i went into birmingham, and my anxiety levels rose to panic at one time but i let it ride and it quickly subsided. i also found myself plottings everyones movements as i walked down new street to my destination. for those that dont know birmingham, new street can easily accomodate 1/4 to 1/2 million people and does get rather busy at lunch time.
my new task is to return on monday lunch and go to a bank on new street and see if my feelings have changed i will then re post.

alone in a sea of people

a couple of weeks ago now i took a new job, i had been told about it by one of my agents (a man i trust very much to advise me honestly) this job involved working for a large company at their birmingham office. Things didnt start exactly as we would have planned, i got a call from the agent late friday afternoon asking if there was any chance i could start earlier than we had planned (i wanted a week so i could tie up any other loose ends) . his call comprised of a "can you start on monday?" question, then in the same breath "can you start in york on monday?" (york is about 150 miles away). we arranged things, no interview, client to cover costs of hotels etc.
So that next monday i drove up to york, i wasnt nervous or anxious, infact i was quite happy. i have always liked york and spent much time there as a child.
the point of this post is, as i was there for several days and nights i had to walk around the city. york is a very placid place and i think this showed in my mood. i was able to walk around what could be described as a semi strange place at night and day without looking around me other than to observe my surroundings, even with several thousands of pounds worth of laptop on show.
what amazed me was how comfortable i felt, i had no need to run or hide just to enjoy life.