poppy will be your lucky flower

this last week as i have become busier than i have ever been. i have been watching myself and i have seem many old traits coming back. luckily as i know what they are i can see myself using the trick to lengthen my day and complete my tasks.
i dont want to go into the techniques that i have been using but some could be physically damaging but luckily i am able to step away and hopefully i will be able to step away more.

Hitting the wall

I think i am going to write a backwards mixed up kind of blog today. The reason is a have been monitoring myself all week after a very black few days last weekend. The prompt now though is that I have just been to the supermarket without any problems but as soon as i walked into my home i feel like i have hit a depression wall. My concentration span has gone, i feel like my head is both solid as i like to call it "i feel thick".
Now back to the story......... today is Sunday by the way, this all starts a week ago on Friday, my day was as normal but with an underlying frustration or or paranoia that i was doing to much and others weren't pulling their weight. This carried on for the day and due to tiredness that evening i went to bed early. When i awoke Saturday morning i was very depressed and angry at everyone, i quickly gathered my things and made a quick exit and went to the office. I knew the kind of day i would make a t home if i had stayed there, so to get out of peoples way was the best for all. this proved a good idea as when i had to use the phone i always ended up shouting and swearing. but post phone call i was depressive and guilt ridden.
My mental state over the the weekend was a very reserved but angry man, my reactions to all external communication was to get away (yes once again i was going to pack the car and leave). the sea has such a pull, but this time i was not bothered if i went out on my surf board and allowed the sea to just take me away.
Things have brightened during the week and returned to a more steady state, but i have been avoiding writing this post and many other post recently. I have found myself putting it down on my list of priorities.

some new on another front though, recently i have been in the street and my overriding need to keep track of everyone is starting to go away, and i don't need to look at the floor. It does make for a different life, i don't know if it is for the better yet as i think i am missing out on seeing so much. but i can only try to find a balance that i am happy with.