Tell me about your mother

Time to get down to my homework:-
after having such an up and down week my homework is either going to comethrough easily (hopefully) or be such a chore.
this week i have to talk about anger - this list wont be very accurate but may be added to at later date.
Times that i have allowed myself to be come angry.
1. age approx 10 - as i child my brother was annoying me this one time, as siblings do. to start let me decribe myself and my brother as children. my brother is 2.5yrs older than me and was always roughly double my size. this particuar day big brother just took it too far, and even with our size differences i wrestled him to the floor and pinned him down with a chair leg in his mouth. i then told him if he didnt stop the leg would go in.
2. age approx 15 - me friend and i were out one evening and we bumped into someone that at the time he wasnt getting along with. the situation developed at the time into a fight between the two of them we myself as a bystander. during the fight the other person grabbed my friend by the genitals and squeezed. this made me mad as to me that ws very dirty fighting, so i pulled him off my friend and proceeded to land several very angry blows and kicks. once i had told him that i didnt like what he had done the situation calmed and we all left (believe or not we have all been friends since then).
3. age approx 28 - Whilst i was recovering from my breakdown, i was cared for by my ex girlfriend Amy. Even though at the time i wasnt allowed to leave my home alone i used to quite alot as i couldnt cope with having my life taken away. One particualar night i have gone to the resaraunt that my brother worked at to see him. mentally that night i wasnt in a fit state, amy was there working i think and she said something to me. i dont know what she said or what happened but the next thing i knew was that i had picked her up by the kneck and was holding her in mid air. once i knew what i was doing i put her down and ran away. the rest of the night is a blur unfortunately.
4. over the last few years i have had times where i get rather angry at just minor things, they are more just thoughless actions. people not cleaning up after themselves etc... i simmer for a while and bottle it up, then blow up and then go away and calm down, the worst
I dont like anger or confrontation my friends used to say that i was the most placid person that they knew.

I now have extra homework through the joys of the internet.
this is based on my posts earlier this week about my panics.
the senario - im in the shop and start to panic, i dont run away, im aware that its happening, i try not to show it.
1. What would others think? - most people now wouldnt look twice, they would just think i was ill or mad and get on with thier business.
2. What happens if i show it? - i get looked at, or people comment or they just ignore me.
3. What happens before, during and after?
BEFORE - im genrally nervous or aprhensive about where im going or where i am.
DURING - i get more nervous, my nervous symptoms show more, i try to be more aware of my surrounding. my flight response keeps telling me to leave, but i fight it. at its most extreme i start to loose comprehension of my surroundings.
AFTER - im tired, nervous but calming, emotional, want to be alone, i need to see the sea.

this week i have realy struggled, i have spent alot of time in nervousness and mild panic. i have wanted more that ever to hold my wife dusring my sleepless times in the night, im getting very tired now. but my overwhelming reaction to people at the moment is to keep them away. last night in her sleep nicki touched me, i wanted it, i would have liked her to hold me but a large part of me was just trying to pull away and put as much distance as i could between us whilst staying in bed. i hate it, i know i have to fight it, but it is hard having one part of you wanting one thing and another the total opposite.