So many thoughts......so little brains

hello world...its been a while...yes you know.

as you well know when i get depressed i get the urge to blog but then easily talk myself out of doing it. well....for quite a long time ive wanted to write but made all kinds of excuses not to.
Life update....... for the last 6months or so ive had some very black periods, these have been created by the stress of having both my parents come to live with us with cancer and then having to buy a property to relocate them into ( and in great dave style....that almost went dramatically wrong).
the main problem im having is getting my head around a matter of gene's ...something i can normally deal with. the problem is that i knew that from my mums side i knew that several of my family have had cancer and had genetic testing, this seems to be looking like its non-genetic. now bringing in my fathers side of the family......when we looked in depth to try get my a genetic test it came to light that about 70% of my immediate blood relatives have had cancer...many of the same forms.
being honest ...it scares me.
i know that the chances of it being passed genetically are very very small....but it is just my luck that there maybe something untowards for me.
It just hope they give me the test soon, its doing my head in!!!!